Self Compassion, the Sister of Mindfulness

studio-interior-3In teaching yoga, I am often cueing my students to tune into their inner landscape and become more aware of their thoughts, sensations, and emotions during class. This is mindfulness, and as practitioners of yoga we have this rich opportunity, through our bodies, to become more mindful of the flow of thoughts, sensations, and emotions within.

Looking at my thoughts has been one of the most interesting pieces to my own practice… it has revealed patterns in my thinking. I’ve come to realize that often I am caught in cycles of repeated worries, comparing, doubting and self-criticism. And in times of stress, I find myself obsessing about possible future scenarios, stuck in fear-based thinking.

I’m not proud to admit that so many self-degrading and worrisome thoughts are cycling through my mind at any given time, but essentially, this is the practice… it is through mindfulness that I can shine the light of awareness on my habits and reveal my blindspots.

I realize, however, that being mindful has taken me only so far in my progress. Mindfulness asks only that you witness the thoughts with detached awareness. This is all fine – to become aware that you have a certain thought or feeling, but to create change in times of suffering, self-compassion needs to accompany mindfulness.

So what is self compassion? In its definition, it is simply the practice of speaking to yourself and treating yourself with kindness, caring, and acceptance. Or, better yet, treating yourself in a way that you would want your loved ones to treat you.

To understand this sisterhood between mindfulness and self-compassion better, take for example when you are going through tough times and you find yourself stressed, anxious, and over-run with fear-based thoughts. We need both mindfulness and self-compassion to help ourselves ease the suffering. First we become aware of how our bodies and minds are responding to the stress. Then we take care of ourselves. Consider these points:

  • Mindfulness asks us, “What are we experiencing in this moment?” Self-compassion asks us, “What do we need now in this moment?”
  • Mindfulness is about accepting moment to moment experiences… this thought, this feeling, and so forth. Self-compassion is about accepting “the experiencer”.
  • Mindfulness says “feel your suffering with spacious awareness,” (i.e. can you make room for it, can you be with it?). Self-compassion says be kind to yourself when you suffer, and hold yourself in a loving embrace.

By breaking down this relationship between mindfulness and self-compassion, it becomes apparent to me that it is possible to be mindful and aware without compassion for oneself. And I realize this is the missing piece in my practice…which is why I suppose I find myself too often in a cycle of repeated thought pattern. Further, I am reminded that it is not so much about needing to change or fix in the moment, but to simply accept what is with loving kindness. It’s about learning to embrace our imperfections, and being more gentle with ourselves. Only then can we make room for change to happen.

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